After cutting off all contact from my ex I've dealt with the fear of him reappearing in my life.
After my previous post describing my emotionally abusive relationship, I had no anticipation for what would happen next.
My ex was very vindictive, and he liked to know what his previous girlfriends were up to for purposes of punishment and comparison. Even on many of his short-lived connections he liked to maintain some sort of interest, and took great pleasure in knowing that someone he had once associated with was somehow malfunctioning without him.
This blog has always been my sanctuary and it's one of the few accounts I have that he doesn't know about. And yet I still dread the possibility that he'll find out and try to weasel his way back into my life.
I've had many instances where I'd get alarming texts and harassing phone calls from unrecognizable numbers and it's made me sick. So yeah, I'm a little on edge. And as a result I've changed my contacts, requested to remove my info from my job's official page and deleted all of my social media accounts just to obscure my identity.
I've also cut off all contact from the mutual acquaintances we've had, just so that there wouldn't be any indirect communication between us.
He doesn't have the right to know what I've been up to and I most certainly don't want him involved in my life at any capacity.
Here's another story:
I mean. Just a little while ago I was reminded of his crazy outburst the night before our break-up, the one about vr-headsets (it's an embarrassing read).
I was having a night out with my colleagues and one of the analysts from our department brought up Google Cardboard and virtual reality. And the subject matter had an impetuous effect on me. I couldn't stop thinking about that night and how poorly I had been treated. And for a while I just sat there, playing with my dinner and not saying a word.
But then I snapped out of it and referred to my ex as someone I knew who had said this thing.
And by the time I got to explaining the minor details of what had happened that night, everyone looked at me like I was describing someone who was out of their fucking mind.
"That's ridiculous." They said. "Why would anyone get mad over that?"
And – "Don't tell me you're still friends with this person."
I couldn't contain my happiness at what was said. Hearing this from others who had no bias in our relationship was so gratifying and it pushed me to let go of the guilt and the anger I had on myself for rationalizing the abuse.
Looking back, I truly believe that my ex showed many signs of a sociopath. He pretended to be pragmatic and understanding when in actuality he was none of those things. He wasn't as smart as he thought, and he was very much self-absorbed and manipulative. And compared to the rational, kind men that I know he's ... cartoonish in comparison.
And as refreshing as it's been without him in my life I'm still afraid that he's somewhere out there, snooping and scheming.
But anyway ...
That's really all I've got to say on this. I thought it was important to put up this post because the last time I addressed this issue I felt like it deserved a Part II.
And a happy ending. ゞ(◡‿◡✿)ゞ